apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
