with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
