I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
