I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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