it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
