Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
