he shaved USA in his pubs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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