she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
