Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
