When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
