Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
