i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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