I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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