my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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