I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
