I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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