She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you had me at cake vodka
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
