Do vagina's smell?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
