i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
