oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
