mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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