The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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