escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
