If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
