when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
