I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize