Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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