Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
