i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
