I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
