So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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