i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
