When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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