Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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