No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
