ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize