my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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