I'm going to jail i love you
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
