Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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