We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
