The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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