Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
