That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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