he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
