What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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