My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
