We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
