I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you made out with another girl for some wings
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
