I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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