He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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