New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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