Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize