I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
