Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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