I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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