the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
