but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
