fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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