its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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