life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
