The maid of honor just puked.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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