i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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