Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
