I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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