My underwear smells like fireworks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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