dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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